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Editorial Reviews
About the Author
Daniel Jay Sonkin, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage, Family and Child Counselor in a group practice in Sausalito, California. Considered one of the world's foremost experts on treatment of male batterers, Dr. Sonkin was one of the early investigators and specialists in the field of family violence. He is the co-author of the first book written for batterers, Learning to Live Without Violence.
Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Format: Paperback
I have found this book to be a valuable resource for men dealing with childhood abuse issues. As a survivor, I found most of the literature on abuse to be directed toward women. Sonkin directs this towards men and speaks to the issues men go through. Though not an easy read, I have had many of the issues described thoughtfully and caringly in a way that speaks to me. Many of the thoughts and feelings that I've experienced were laid out in the book, but solutions also offered. If you are just beginning your journey to healing or well along the process, this book can be helpful along the way.
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Format: Paperback
3 Comments Sending feedback...
The section of the book that the reviewer is referring to is a quote from a member of my men's group, and not about myself. However, it is important that readers understand that for many different reasons, people are unable to face the realities of their abuse and as a result may inadvertently put loved ones at risk. This is unfortunately an all-to-common consequence of all forms of child maltreatment. It is not constructive to judge their actions in the past, but to help them change for the present and future. What was important for this particular man, was that he did ultimately face his problems and heal not only his own wounds, but his relationship with his son. He struggled for many years and his hard work ultimately paid off. Today, he has a wonderful relationship with his son and his new grandchildren.
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32 of 36 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer on September 5, 2001
Format: Paperback
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This is a great book. I have found most self help books, and most psychologists, lacking empathy for victims of abuse. I have made many unsuccessful attempts in the past to work through my problems but never made any real progress. Dr. Sonkin breaks the process down into four steps- experiences, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors- which have made it possible for me to understand how to work through it all. And the great empathy he expresses was what allowed me to get beyond the usual andger and alienation I feel toward therapists, who tend to be judgemental and condescending. I went through and did all the exercises and wrote everything down- in particular writing down all the feelings lifted a great burden from me.
If you are suffering from the effects of abuse, find a good therapist and get this book. Life will look a lot better.
If you are suffering from the effects of abuse, find a good therapist and get this book. Life will look a lot better.
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer on October 25, 2000
Format: Paperback
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This is a very insightful book into a subject that is greatly ignored. This book can help many men to overcome something that is usually hiden from public view and can help others understand what their men whom have suffered abuse go through.
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By Need to Read on October 25, 2006
Format: Paperback
Of the growing number of books about male sexual abuse, this one rates just mediocre. The author seems to believe that abused men all grow up to be abusive, especially toward women. He ignores female abusers and the special issues of gay men. I'd recommend one of the better books in this area, especially Gartner's Beyond Betrayal or Betrayed as Boys, but also Lew's Victims No Longer and Hunter's Abused Boys. Also, Moran's The Tricky Part is a great memoir
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
By Laurent St Germaine on February 8, 2007
Format: Paperback
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I would recommend this book for men who still have the emotional scares, the resentments, child abuse issues from our childhood holding us back from achieving happiness and serenity. We can become heroes, over come addictions, free ourselves from the bonds of our pain once and for all.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Lots of very useful Information. Great for the self helper and those in a professional setting. Would recommend it
My husband bought this book because we are dealing with his abuse as a child. This book has been the cornerstone to his recovery. Read more
I bought this for my son, who was molested as a child, but he hates to read and told me outright that he would not read it! Read more
Dan Jay Sonkin Ph.D should not be trying to guide adult males of childhood abuse. I purchased this book thinking "finally a book written for men that would be a perfect guide to... Read more
Typical California feel good self-help schlok. Blaming the victim for not getting in touch with his feelings earlier (and of course not paying someone like Sonkin to... Read more
Published on June 22, 2004 by MikeWhat Other Items Do Customers Buy After Viewing This Item?
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NOTE: I'M TRYING TO HELP WITH REFERRALS. I COME FROM A BACKGROUND OF EXPERIENCE AND PAIN AND I DID NOT REALIZE THAT IGNORANCE OF MEN WHO HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED AND ABUSED (*CHILD ABUSE*) AS CHILDREN HAVE NOT BEEN TAKEN SERIOUSLY. SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME, AS I DO NOT MEAN TO BE CARELESS, THANK YOU. SYLVIA.
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